On the threshold of a new year . . .
A bump in the road and a long-held dream
As I write this, the calendar says we are four days into 2025. Usually by now I’ve created a couple of lists for the new year: books I plan to read, trips I hope to take, projects that may or may not have been carried over from last year’s lists. I sat with my Lochby journal this morning, flipping back through last year’s plans, notes and journal entries, reflecting on 2024. But, instead of being inspired, I found myself considering that this may be a year without lists or agendas. At least for now.
Don’t get me wrong. Truly, 2024 was a very good year and my lists served me well. We hosted a large summer birthday celebration here on the farm for my husband, planned and built a beautiful new garden space and made multiple trips out of state to visit our children. I spent a week at a writers’ workshop and embarked on a two-year program for certification as a spiritual director (more on that later). But sometimes life dictates our agendas, resets our priorities and, quite frankly, reminds us to take it a day at a time.
Late this fall, I was diagnosed for a second time with breast cancer. My first go-around was 12 years ago and, honestly, I thought I’d dodged a bullet after passing the 10-year mark. This latest encounter was caught early (get your annual mammograms, ladies) and surgery will take place in the next few weeks, but at this point I do not know what will come next. Life isn’t exactly on hold so I’m optimistically calling this a “bump in the road” but I’d be lying if I said the discovery didn’t cause me to reassess my priorities.
One surprising (to me) outcome of this collision with cancer was a strong urge to act on a long-held dream to open a bookshop. A tiny space in a beautiful old building in my hometown is available for rent. It happens to sit alongside a sweet little coffee shop run by bibliophiles who love the idea of being neighbors with a bookshop. Though I quickly pushed the thought aside, it hovered in the back of my mind. For a month, I tried to ignore it as impractical and poor timing, but two very different realities got me thinking that maybe THIS is a priority, a timely one at that.
First, did you know that indie book stores are making a comeback?1
Even Barnes and Noble is benefitting from the uptick in book sales. Word is the mega company was on track to open 60 new stores in 2024.
Second, but most importantly, I’m not getting any younger. None of us are promised tomorrow, but we do have today. The words of poet Mary Oliver haunted and inspired me:
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
I’ve been a journalist, a bookkeeper, a florist, a homeschool mom and a barista. Why not a bookshop owner?
On observing the liturgical calendar
My faith tradition doesn’t move in lockstep with the liturgical calendar, but following this ancient rhythm based on scripture is part of my DNA. Raised Catholic, I was aware of the liturgical year as a cycle of five “seasons” and days that determine when to celebrate certain feasts and which scripture to read. The liturgical year does not coincide with the lunar calendar, but begins on the first Sunday after Thanksgiving. We are now in Advent, the first season of the calendar. It’s a time for celebrating the coming of Christ. This year Advent began on December 1. It will officially end on Monday, January 6, with the celebration of Epiphany.
In biblical terms, Epiphany celebrates the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12). In common terms, Dictionary.com defines epiphany as “a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. A moment of revelation and insight.”
A moment of revelation and insight.
Not the result of a list or habit or plan but a revelation. An insight. What is the “essential meaning” behind an epiphany when offered to a woman of a certain age facing treatment for breast cancer? Maybe it’s now or never? I think I’ll take a chance on myself and go after that long-held dream. Now, while I still have the prospect of a “wild and precious life.”
About Spiritual Direction
I mentioned above that I’ve entered a two-year program to become certified as a spiritual director. I’ve been seeing a spiritual director for over four years and in the past year I’ve felt the tug to offer direction for others who are seeking a fellow traveler on their faith journey. Directors are not counselors, therapists, teachers or preachers. Spiritual direction is an ancient practice in which a trained guide listens to someone as they explore their personal spirituality, allowing a person to ask spiritual questions without feeling subject to someone else’s agenda. We are called and equipped to “hold space” for others as they sit with the Lord and seek direction from the Holy Spirit. I’m sure I’ll share more as time goes on, including nuggets from resources that are growing my understanding of this spiritual practice.
My favorite read of 2024
At the recommendation of my spiritual director, I walked through 2024 in the company of Richard J. Foster in his humble spiritual memoir Learning Humility: A Year of Searching for a Vanishing Virtue. Foster leads us through the 12 Lakota virtues: humility, perseverance, respect, honor, love, sacrifice, truth, compassion, bravery, fortitude, generosity and wisdom. He uses the Lakota calendar’s moon cycles as a framework for his journal entries, from The Hard Moon (January 1-28) to The Moon When the Deer Shed Their Antlers (December 4-31). I live in a region of the country that was once a major trade route for Potawatomi and Miami Peoples, hence nearby communities with Native American names such as Mongonquinong (Mongo). This book was a gentle yet eye-opening journey.
Before I leave, here’s a late Christmas gift from me to you. I recently encountered this lovely poem written by Eugene Peterson in his book titled Holy Luck: Poems of the Kingdom. I hope you enjoy “Quiet”, the musings of one of my favorite theologians and authors.2
“Our latest guest, a common loon, arrived this winter unannounced. And bringing gifts, guests do that. Bring gifts, filling heart and home with beauty, wild, elusive, sleek. Low in the water, this contemplative loon is an icon for living present, but detached. I rarely see him fly, but he can fly. This loon dives, dives long and deep, no mere surface bird. He goes for the depths. And when he dives, I think he prays, searching deep waters for what keeps him and us alive. Grace and quiet, buoyant with presence.” ~ Eugene Peterson
This poem was the inspiration for Low in the Water Podcast, a new discovery offered by The Eugene Peterson Center for Christian Imagination.
Praying you and the family through this cancer challenge and lifting your arms for your bookshop dream.
Praying for full recovery and your inspired dream!